Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
