You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
