I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
