Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I had to cum in my sink.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
