I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
