I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize