No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
