I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
