so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
