its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
