I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
