I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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