Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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