normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
