just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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