yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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