we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
