Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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