U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Come see our sink grown plant.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
