I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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