Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Found your dick twin last night
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
