Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Found the puke drawer
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
