i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm at about main and main street
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
