It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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