i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
