Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
