Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
