You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
