Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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