were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
