I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
