If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Of course I have a pirate flag
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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