I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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