im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
