he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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