i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
