when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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