I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
