AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
