it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
