i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
