Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
