I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
