I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
