it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
