We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
