Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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