Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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