Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
