Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
