Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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