I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
