my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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