i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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