so that wasnt chicken after all
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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