Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
