sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
did i walk over a car last night?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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