I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
