I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
