I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I need to stop coming to work sober
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
