I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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