your thong is hanging out like whoa
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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