Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
