Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
