Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
