I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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