there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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