I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
