The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
